just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
