I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
