what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
