Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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