some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
