you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We left the knife in your bed.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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