the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
