Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
