She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
