Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
