all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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