So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
