Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Randomize
