he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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