I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
