Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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