ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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