Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
