I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Send help, water and tortillas.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
