it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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