Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
