im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
