So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
