Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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