literally had 100 drinks last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
