need another drink. this is the easiest way
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
