Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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