uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
