Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I believe in your delicious
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
