I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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