I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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