Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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