I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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