Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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