Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
