Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
