Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
