I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
