its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
