What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
