Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My feet surprised me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
