Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
