every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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