Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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