She's JV to your varsity
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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