tell your sister to shave her snatch
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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