WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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