the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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