I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I am naked and annoyed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
