Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
