we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
