so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
